Cruel Fate
by QueenDromeda
Summary: On the night of October 31st, 1981, Voldemort visited the Potter house. He killed James Potter, but he decided to stun Lily Potter instead. After Harry vanquished the Dark Lord, Lily must learn how to cope without her husband and a little boy to raise. An AU where Lily Potter lives.
1. Interrogations

Disclaimer- J.K Rowling owns everything.

**00000**

_Monday, November 1st, 1981_

Darkness is rather unnerving. It just gets worse and worse as you sit through the dancing shadows. Harry would cry and scream but nothing mattered. It was a numb bliss. She was aware of everything and nothing. The pain made her feel somewhat hollow and empty but she was still here. Alive. Harry was as well. Even with that why, oh why did she feel so numb. So bone chillingly empty.

Not able to move, not able to think it was like being cocooned in sulfur. All she could remember was Harry and herself. There had to be more to life than this. Every time a cry escaped her child the cocoon got tighter and tighter. She was suffocating in her own emptiness. If she could move she would surely dissolve into tears.

After what must have been hours in the empty shell of herself the cocoon started to break. There was a pop and her legs were free. Another pop and her torso and arms were released. Then 'Pop' her head was free, her mind open. Memories stormed in. Voldemort coming. James's brave fight. Herself being stunned and cast aside. The killing curse used on Harry. Voldemort falling and vanishing. Harry's cries and screams.

Lifting up her neck she felt a wave of dizziness hit her as the blood left her head. Sliding her knees under her she leaned forward and held her child- her angel. She cradled him and rocked him. He still cried though. It was a never ending scream- the howl of a banshee. Still holding him she was hit by the gravity of the situation.

James was dead. The man she hated for most of her life until she fell deeply in love with him was dead. It was unfathomable, unimaginable, impossible. How could he be dead? She couldn't make it without him. Yet, he left her. He promised he would stay. A broken promise it was. She never even got a chance to say good bye. It was just two words strung together that he last heard. That caused him to lay crumpled somewhere downstairs alone and unseeing.

Bowing her head down she let out a sob. A wretched cry from within her very being. Tears streamed her cheeks and water blurred her vision. Why couldn't she have died also? They'd be together. Immediately she wanted to remove that thought from entering her mind. She would never leave Harry alone with no parents. No one to hold him and whisper prayers when he had nightmares. So she let another anguished howl of grief leave her. Together her and Harry's cries mixed together in a symphony of depression.

She took no notice when Harry's sobs stopped. Hers were just beginning. How many times did she wish for something to stop James in school? How often did she say she hated him? A lot more than her 'I love you's'. Her throat was raw from the deep tears and her eyes were sensitive and puffy. Harry's shirt was undoubtedly covered in mucus that left her nose and hair was clumped to her tear-stained face. She felt small pudgy arms reach her neck and wrap themselves around it. Harry was cradling her!

Blinking repeatedly she knew that there was no more tears to be shed. She cried her natural limit. Still Harry held her in an attempt to comfort his grieving mother. Laughing a bitter laugh she removed his arms. Her baby needed her now more but she needed him more. Thank goodness Voldemort wasn't able to kill Harry she would have definitely fell into her sorrow and endless depression.

Looking around the tiny room that held his nursery she was shocked. Toys and books lay strewn all over the room. The miniature window that was in the corner was broken and held little glass in it. His crip was cracked on two legs to the point where it slumped forward nearly lying on its side. There was a large sear mark on the carpet were Voldemort stood and around it a thick black cloak and oak wand. The spot she was immobilized at was a foot away from the fallen wardrobe.

Lifting herself and Harry to there feet she attempted to walk to the scorch in the carpet. Though her legs were not prepared for movement because she fell over onto the floor upon the first step. Jerking herself up in a frantic motion she saw Harry was levitating a foot off the ground. Accidental magic is a wonderful thing she thought. Conjuring a set of crutches she quickly lifted up Harry and made it to the black spot.

Kneeling closely to the floor she realized it was not the result of an explosion or magical aftershock. It was a tar like substance that was stuck to the carpet. Nervously she reached a finger towards it and poked. Pain shot up her arm and memories she buried came to the surface.

_It was Christmas time. A supposedly merry mind-set was required. As Lily stood behind her parents table she realized she was watching her own memory. It was Christmas day in her seventh year. The family around her were wearing black cloaks. Her mother looked at the Lily sitting with disdain- an emotion that was rare to cross her features. Her father just sneered at her. Petunia held the usual glare that was sent her way when the two crossed paths._

_Opening her mouth her mother spoke, "A witch. A filthy creature of nightmares and sins in our perfect family? No this is not acceptable."_

_The table Lily looked crestfallen while the Lily watching felt a tug in her heart._

_"Yes, an ungrateful servant of evil should not be allowed in the house. Why couldn't you stay at that- that Hellhole all year? Did they not want you either?"_

_Lily cried and choked on a sob. These were truly her worst fears._

_Petunia turned towards her only she looked different, "Mother and father finally realized the truth of my hatred of you. I knew all along that you were evil and disgusting a mere peasant. What do those freaks call you- mudblood? Well that is exactly what you are!" She spoke with Vernon's voice mixed with her own._

_"What should we do Daniel to get rid of the welt that is our-" Her mother choked a little, "Daughter."_

_An evil smile played across her father's lips, "We shall pull the weed before it grows. Let's end this."_

_The table Lily struggled out of the chair but shackles appeared and held her to it. Petunia ripped off her shirt and drew a bullseye directly on her heart._

_"First," Her father continued, "We'll give you personal hygiene. Then we'll fix your bone structure. Lastly we'll start anatomy as a family."_

_Lily whimpered watching the vision of her father approach her younger self. He took a pair of pliers and ripped a tooth right out. Screams shook the house as she pleaded. He still continued._

_"The witty bitty girl isn't so tough now is she?" Her mother sneered._

_Blood fell down her shirt. Still her father continued until no teeth were left. Her cries had almost stopped. her head was slumped backwards and she was barely breathing. Blood was all that was seen in her mouth._

_Her mother stepped forward with a strange looking contraption. The table Lily's arm was thrust into it and locked. Mother started turning a wheel that started bending her arm in unnatural directions. A snap sounded and she screamed and gurgled on blood. The machine also had blood leaking out of it. Still it turned and turned until there was only a bloody stump and some hanging skin._

_"Still want to be a witch?" Petunia asked the nearly dead girl, "Yes? Okay then."_

_She took out a knife and cut into the bullseye. After digging and digging with the knife Lily could see into her own chest. Petunia reached a hand in and yanked the heart out. Placing it on the table she cut it into many pieces before placing them into the now dead Lily's mouth._

Then with a yank of pain Lily was pulled out of that vision. Harry was next to her and was holding her hand which still had the tar like substance on it. Looking at it in horror she quickly hurried away from the pit. Then she set her head in her hands and inhaled deeply. How could she have been so stupid? Anything left by Voldemort was bad and that was probably worse. Harry again came to hug her and she returned the sweet sentiment of her son. That was the most horrific experience she ever viewed. Slowly she patted her jaw which felt sore. Shivering she lifted up Harry and truly looked at the boy.

His green eyes that usually held a vibrant sense of curiosity was replaced with sad knowing. Around his eyes the skin was puffy and red, and the rest of his skin was pasty and tear- streaked. His mouth was twisted in a grimace and he was desperately clinging to her hand. His hair looked matted and was covered in the fallen drywall.

Lily this time walked around the tar- pit of doom and went into the hallway. Above her a tree caved into the rough. The floor and walls had ashes plastered about and holes all around. The staircase was steady enough but one side of the railing was gone. Cracks filled the bottom floors ceiling.

In the living room bookcases were blown apart. The front windows were blasted away and glass sprinkled around the room like snow. Toys covered the floor in any direction a few were even set on fire. A demolished couch made stuffing lay in clumps while leather fell every which way. Then she saw him. In the center of the floor he was lying peacefully with his eyes facing upwards.

"Dada!" Harry called to James's body but he would never hear him.

"Harry baby Dada has to sleep" She lied.

"Wa up?"

"No, Harry he can't wake up just yet."

"No Dada?" And with that Harry started crying and screaming. She rocked the small boy back and forth humming a soft lullaby. Tears prickled in the corner of her own eyes but she would not let them fall.

"Shhh. Go to sleep my angel." She cooed.

After an a long moment Harry just started at James's body completely silent then he said, "Wuv Dada." With that he fell asleep.

Setting him down Lily leaned over her husbands body. His jaw was set in a smirk and his eyes wide open in shock. His wand was still in his hand. Leaning over him she laid a kiss on his forehead. She rifled through his hair. Why couldn't this just be a prank. A giant, cruel prank. He just had to open his eyes and they would laugh. Laugh that Voldemort was gone and that they were together. Alive.

"Oh, Jamie I love you so much. I will always love you, and will never forget you. Harry will be raised with me telling him stories and you can watch us from Heaven. I swear. But right now I have to leave you here. Good bye." She kissed his forehead again. Maybe she was in denial talking to a body. Maybe she was cruel by not crying. She felt as if she was saying his last rights. And James wouldn't want her to cry. Not that she would be able to anyway. She was done with tears there a nuisance and achieved nothing. She would fall into grief when it was over. Once she let the news out. Then she and Harry would cry together again.

Swinging Harry around in her arms she stood up. Taking one last look at the decimated room she felt a tug at her heart. It wasn't sadness or grief. It was a brief pinch of disappointment. Her mum always made sure her and Petunia's rooms were perfectly clean, with no dust in sight. True that tar might have ruined her Christmas time memories but she still had the feeling of elation when her mum told her good work at cleaning. Letting air puff out her nose she walked to the fireplace avoiding the broken splinters of glass and wood. She really should have put on shoes. Pinching her fingers around the fibery sand she thought of where to go. The ministry was an option but too many Death Eaters work there. Sirius's house was… Thats it! She'll go to Hogwarts.

Stepping in the ash filled fireplace she hugged Harry tightly across her chest before dropping the powder in the shaft and calling clearly out, "Headmasters office Hogwarts!" With a bang like pop she felt her body surge through the melding green flames. Her body was contorted in a strange shape before she stepped out into the new room with a crying baby against her.

Dumbledore looked up at her and smiled his usual whimsical smile. His eyes still twinkled and shone. "My dear what do I owe this pleasure. Though I must warn you not to floo again with you and James in hiding."

Yes hiding what bloody good that did. Keeping those thoughts to herself she answered bluntly, "James is dead."

The smile left the elderly wizards face and the twinkle died out faster than a dragon could breathe out fire. "Lily how did this happen, please sit down." With a wave of his hand a chair appeared before his desk along with a cot for Harry.

Setting her son in the cot she sat stiffly in the chair with her muscles taut and drawn together, "V-V-Voldemort showed up last night and cast the killing curse." She spoke as if giving the weather. Light and uninterested.

Dumbledore still pressed on, "What else happened, if you wish to answer that is."

How dare he think she was in shock, she was perfectly capable in answering. It's what James would do of course, "After James died V-V-Voldemort came upstairs, I tried to apperate me and Harry but shields were up. He stunned me." She paused looking at her baby, "Then cast the killing curse at Harry. Obviously since he's not dead it didn't work. I think the curse rebounded off of Harry back to V-Voldemort killing him in the process." She stopped, letting the information sink in.

"Voldemort." She jerked back a little, "Disappeared? And Harry survived. Was Anything left where Voldemort vanished?" He looked at her from underneath his half moon spectacles, trying to read her.

She thought of the tar. That awful tar that ruined a happy memory. When she was about to answer, the fireplace shot green again, revealing a distraught looking Sirius Black. He took no notice of her however and started babbling to Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore I was just at James and Lily's house and its destroyed. Completely demolished. James was dead and when I went to Harry's room it was in even worse shape than the sitting room. Lily and Harry weren't there though so I came here. What if Voldemort got them and is planning on torturing them. Or killing them! We have to get Pettigrew that r-" He was cut off by Dumbledore's raised hand and amused expression. Immediately he set off again angrier than before.

"How can you be laughing! James is dead and Lily and Harry are gone! They could be dead or worse right now. What is wrong with you!" He finished with his black hair flinging everywhere.

"My dear boy I'm not worried about Lily and Harry as they are both right here." He gestured to where she and her child were sitting. Lily had an amused smirk on her pale face though she knew that her eyes were cold. Sirius not missing a beat ran over and grabbed Lily in a bear hug. In the process he stepped on her bare toes with heavy hiking boots.

"Ow!" She cried. Her vision blurred and her knees collapsed. Looking through her wet vision she saw blood. A lot of blood.

"What did I do?"

"Mr. Black I think the fact that she is bare footed caused the pain." He said rather stiffly.

"Wha…" He stopped looking at the pile of blood and crushed bones gathering around the bottom of Lily's foot. She was still on the ground crying. "Oh Merlin. Dumbledore can you.."

The white haired wizard looked at Sirius, "Very well. Just be more careful Mr. Black." With a wave of his hand Lily's foot was healed and placed in a pair of shoes.

"Thank you." She answered wincing slightly as she took her seat.

He waved her off returning to Sirius, "Now Mr. Black up until recently I believed you to be the Potters' secret keeper, were you?" His eyes cut through the man like a knife through butter.

"No! Of course not. It was that bastard Pettigrew!" Sirius said this with so much hate that it appeared his eyes flashed red.

Dumbledore turned towards Lily, "Is this true?"

She nodded, "We- James and I- were going to have it be Sirius but he convinced us to use Peter…" She shook her head in understanding. Sirius looked paler than usual.

"Mr. Black, why did you insist a change in secret keepers?" His blue eyes shown curiosity. Lily knew that in a way this was Sirius's fault for James's death but it was also their own for not noticing it sooner. They all thought that the traitor was Remus. Oh poor Remus. They were breaking off with him slowly when he needed them the most.

"I was the obvious choice. If they captured me they never would have figured it out. No one would suspect Peter. We all thought that Remus was the spy. It was the ultimate prank…" He trailed off. A look of horror crossed his face and he buried his head in his hands.

"I see. I hope you will make up with Mr. Lupin, though it might be hard seeing as you each broke his trust." His grandfatherly gaze pierced each of their hearts, souls, and minds.

"I practically killed James! Oh sweet Merlin what is wrong with me?" His eyes were filled with such hopelessness it was painful to see. Yet Dumbledore did.

"Mr. Black I did not know you were the secret keeper or a Death Eater. If you would like I'm sure you could go to Azkaban claiming to love your Lord."

A silence filled the marble office for a moment before Sirius jumped to his feet, "I am no Death Eater and I have no Lord!" He shouted face to face to Dumbledore. Still the headmaster remained calm before answering.

"Then how did you kill James? The secret keeper was a Death Eater. You already said you were neither. If you do not follow Voldemort them I don't see how its your fault."

Sirius was silent for a few moments a look of contemplation crossed his handsome features, realizing the truth in the headmaster's statement. Lily just sat thinking about Remus. The poor man was abandoned and Dumbledore was one hundred percent correct. It would be a miracle if he wanted anything to do with them anymore. If he ever trusted them anymore. Why did they even believe he was the traitor. Sweet, sweet Remus who was always kind, polite and careful. What did he do to deserve this? If he wasn't a werewolf there wouldn't have been a problem, she knew. It was because when he was three he had the misfortune to be bitten by a monster.

"Now Lily, was there anything left where Voldemort vanished?" She was so lost in her thoughts it took her a moment to comprehend what he just asked.

"WHAT! Voldemort is dead?" Sirius interrupted again.

Dumbledore looked at him again, "Yes, Mr. Black, it appears so."

"He's really dead? How did it happen? Who did it?"

"Young Harry did." He answered simply yet again.

"WHAT!" Sirius exploded again. It was obviously hard for him to comprehend what happened that night. How could a small baby kill the Dark Lord? It was insane.

Dumbledore nodded and gestured for Lily to continue, "His cloak and wand surrounded the area he fell and…" She stopped and let a breath out, "There was a black tar like substance on the ground when I touched I was in a memory. It was different though. This was the last memory I had of my parents and it was happy. This was dark. My family was torturing me." She gave an involuntary shudder at the memory.

"How did you come out of this… Trance?"

"Harry." She said then realizing she would need to elaborate, she added, "He pulled my hand and yanked me out of it." She shook her head at her own stupidity. Why did she touch something Voldemort left. Unknown to her in her thoughts Dumbledore drastically paled.

"O- Okay." He stuttered out, "We now need to tell the Ministry they need to know."

She nodded her head contempt with this idea but Sirius was not. "Dumbledore we need to call Remus. He needs to know."

She could have slapped herself. How could she forget about Remus so quickly. It's as if she never wants his forgiveness. Stupid, stupid, stupid! She nodded her head in agreement before lifting up her strangely quiet son. Sirius made a patronus and sent a brief message to Remus. 'Meet us in Amelia's office. Voldemort is gone. James is dead.'

Standing up the small group huddled together into the fireplace. Dumbledores pinch of floo powder hit the floor of the fireplace as he called out 'Amelia Bones's office!'

Once again she was engulfed by emerald flames. As soon as the roar of the fire evaporated she stepped out of the marble grate. Around her the hustle of Aurors completing their daily business filled the air. It was almost comical that no one knew that the Dark Lord was gone, vanquished by a baby, something that a force of trained soldiers couldn't accomplish. For a moment she was lost in the absurdity of it all and laughed. A genuine tickling sound, not the hollow chuckle she was expecting. It appears you can even shock yourself at times.

Not missing a beat she stood aside waiting for Dumbledore and Sirius to lead the way to the office. Harry, being the child he was, playfully grabbed at her hair tugging the strand of red. Sirius gave an amused chuckle at his godsons actions and for a brief moment it felt normal. It felt like her and James were still in hiding. Sadly, that fantasy ended before it started as the group trotted along to the co-head of DMLE.

When the odd group reached the duly marked door, Dumbledore needed no prompting to knock. A sharp "Enter" led them all into the office of Amelia Bones. Though she was young, a measly twenty-five, she was undoubtedly one of the best leaders the department has had in nearly a decade.

Amelia had strawberry blonde hair which hung in a stiff manner to her mid back. Light green eyes were her trademark, as they were large, calculating, and serene. Don't let the eyes fool you though she was no nonsense type of woman. Lily was reminded of Minerva McGonagall, her old transfiguration teacher. The woman was also a candidate for guardianship on her and James's will, as she was an old family friend.

"Ah! Albus, Sirius, Lily, how may I help you?" Her eyes were lit up in surprise and it looked like she was almost smiling.

"I'm afraid this is no social call, Amelia. Voldemort targeted the Potters and James was murdered."

Immediately that almost smile vanished, "Sit. Tell me what happened."

Lily had taken the seat gratefully and shifted Harry in her arms before answering, "V-V-V-Voldemort came to the house and killed James. When he entered the bedroom he stunned me and cast the killing curse on Harry, but it rebounded and made V-V-Voldemort vanish."

Amelia's eyebrows were furrowed in thought and her lips set in a thin line, "Lily I'm sorry, but I'll have to question you under Veritaserum, as this is such a…" She paused to find the right word, "Peculiar tale."

She nodded her agreement on the matter and a few moments later the truth potion was on her tongue.

Jumping right into the interrogation she asked the standard questions to ensure she was not talking to an imposter, "State your name."

"Lily Marie Potter nee Evans."

"State your age, occupation, and coupling."

"I am twenty-one year of age, training to be a potions mistress, and was tied in matrimony with one James Charlus Potter."

"Tell what happened the night of last."

"The Dark Lord Voldemort entered my home which was hidden under the Fidelius Charm. I was told to run by my husband, James Potter, and did so. James was killed and Voldemort entered Harry's nursery where Harry and I were. He stunned me after telling me to step aside then proceeded to cast the killing curse on Harry. The curse appeared to rebound off of Harry and into Voldemort, vanishing him."

"Who was your secret keeper?"

"Peter David Pettigrew."

"Was there anything left at the scene from where Voldemort vanished?"

"Voldemort's wand and cloak along with a tar like substance stuck to the floor."

Satisfied with what answers were received Amelia administered the counter-potion. Lily's emerald green eyes shown with life again.

"I must say it seems in every way-" She was cut of by a repetitive banging on her door, "Who is there?"

"Remus Lupin looking for Lily Potter and Sirius Black." A muffled voice carried over.

"Let him in Amelia." Lily urged still slightly dazed from the potion she was given. Taking in Lily's hopeful begging eyes she made her decision.

Casting the unlocking charm on her door she called, "Enter."

A distinctly ruffled man all but ran into her tight office space. He wore Muggle clothing which while in good condition, looked wrinkled. His light brown hair was mussed slightly and his amber eyes had a wolfish quality to them. Upon seeing Sirius, the man growled.

"Finally got your head out of your arse and realized I was on the light did you?"

Sirius made a pained sound, "Hey Moony, looking good."

Amelia cleared her throat, "As interesting as this is, we have business to continue. It appears that You-Know-Who has been killed off for good"

Since this was news to Remus, he interjected, "How?"

"Harry rebounded a curse. Now Albus, come with me to make an announcement. You too, Black, as you're an Auror."

Amelia hurried the group out leaving a guilty Lily with Remus. She studied her hands for some time, taking in the pink oval nail and the ripped skin on the side of fingers. The pale pattern of freckles littering the back of her hands and the bones lifting up or down when she flexed a finger even the slightest bit. Fingers are quite interesting.

Then she heard James in her head whispering to her; _'What happened to being a Gryffindor? Talk to him already!'_ Lifting her eyes up she saw Remus cradling Harry. Remus, the friend who would help her study way too much for charms exams. The man who she first had a crush on. The co-best man at her wedding.

For once she couldn't take it anymore. She shot up and into his side to the point where he was holding both her and Harry. Taking in the familiar smell of pines she started crying, "Remus I'm so sorry! So sorry! Could you ever forgive me for being a humongous- a humongous-"

Remus's gentle coo stopped her, "I forgive you Lily. It's okay… It will all be okay.."

They stayed like that for a while hugging and drawing comfort from each other. It was nice and pure and sweet. Yet no tears were shed they each of them knew that they would grieve the death of James in private.

**00000**

Hello everyone I have finally revamped this story with more details and longer chapters! Now I know that tar has probably shied quite a few of you off put do not worry this the only time that is happening in _this_ story and trust me it has an important part. I will have this rated T for some language, implied sex, and _very few_ dark scenes. I want this to be more of a light happy family story following how Lily recovers after the death of her husband. Lily will eventually end up with an unnamed someone else, you can guess, so if you're a die-hard Jily shipper I thought I should warn you.

I do however have several ways the plot can go so I will be posting different polls for my lovely readers to use.

Also on the note of my other multi-chapter story Choices I am re-writing it as I dislike the rushed direction it's taking.

Please I welcome comments, suggestions, and constructive criticism of my writing.

See you next update, Jerrica!


	2. Uproar

Disclaimer- J.K Rowling owns everything you recognize.

**00000**

_Present Day, Tuesday, November 3rd, 1981_

**00000**

_Flashback, Sunday, December 30th, 1979_

It was her picturesque wedding. From her looking glass she could see the whole design laid out. Most would think an outdoor wedding in the middle of winter was insane. Lily, however, did not, as she knew the magical fires would produce enough heat to keep her and the guests warm, and a vanishing charm cast on the snow would let the white flakes rain down without soaking anyone.

Ten circular tables draped in white cloth surrounded the cobblestone pressed aisle. At each table there was room for five guests, yes, it was a very small gathering, but it was enough. The aisle was lined with floating blue and purple water lilies. A pine woven arch stood upon a podium, surrounded by candles giving off a light glow.

Though she was slightly off put at changing her muggle relations memories, she knew it was a necessary step to protect the wizarding world's secrets. Gazing back up at the looking glass she studied each table and was disappointed when she saw that Petunia had not shown up to her wedding. Lily had thought that she would have put their petty feud behind her and go to her wedding.

Soon the groomsmen and bridesmaids were walking arm in arm down the aisle. Sirius leading with Alice on his arm. Remus following with Marlene, and then Peter with Dorcas. Each man wore a black tux with blue ties. All of the bridesmaids wore an ice blue dress. After each was situated around the arch James walked down by himself. His hair was as messy as ever but today he looked clean shaven.

Hearing the wedding march began, Lily stepped towards her father in slow steps not wanting to trip in her heels. She wore her mother's gown: a long sleeved, satin masterpiece. Some lacy detail trailed from her shoulders to her hips.

Clasping her father's arm they stepped out to the beginning of the aisle. A feeling of tranquility washed over her and none of the eyes watching her mattered. All that mattered was her smiling fiancée who only had eyes for her. It was such a surreal moment when the steps ended and she reached the podium.

James took her hand and helped her up the two steps. The minister started reading, but the words were meaningless. She and James were now in their own world, lost in each other's eyes. Each smiling bigger and brighter than what was thought possible in the time of war. Everything else about the ceremony was pointless.

James spoke, "I, James, take you, Lily, to be my friend, my lover, the mother of my children and my wife. I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care for and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity. "

Tears prickled in corner of her eyes, "I love you unconditionally and without hesitation. I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you, and respect you. As a family, we will create a home filled with learning, laughter, and compassion. I promise to work with you to foster and cherish a relationship of equality, knowing that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. Today, I choose you to be my husband. I accept you as you are, and I offer myself in return. I will care for you, stand beside you, and share with you all of life's adversities and all of its joys from this day forward, and all the days of my life."

Then the minister spoke the words they were all waiting for, "James, you may kiss the bride!"

So he did. A passionate loving kiss filled with hope and trust. A sweet embrace of affection. She could hear the minister call out, "May I present you with Mister and Missus James Potter!"

**00000**

_Flashback, Monday, February 18th, 1980_

Lily was bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. She was finally able to convince James to come to a muggle shopping center with her. As they walked leisurely down the hall, she could fully understand his hesitation of coming. There was a lot of people, yes, but it was more the fact that he was afraid of exposing magic; most wizards have that fear.

"Lily, why are we here again?" James's whining voice asked.

"I want to get a camera, to record all our moments." She crisply said, picking up the pace of their walk.

"We could have gotten a wiz- special one y'know."

She stopped walking, as they were in front of the electronic store now. Placing her hands on her hips she said, "Of course I know! Camcorders are just easier to use, and Polaroid's give the pictures automatically!"

"I still don't know." He voiced his concerns, all while running a hand through his hair.

"James, you see that store across from us?"

Turning his head his eyes widened, "Y-Yes."

"If I get my cameras, I'll get something to wear for you-know-what," She smirked stepping closer to the point her hair was brushing his nose. "If not we won't be doing you-know-what anytime soon."

"Not even-" He started.

"No."

Taking a deep breath he answered, "Fine, get your ruddy cameras!"

**00000**

_Flashback, Wednesday, April 2nd, 1980_

Just take a deep breath Lily. He'll be happy, pleased, elated. Why was this moment so nerve wracking. It should be happy and easy to tell the person you love the best news she's ever received.

Walking into the sitting room she called, "James. I have something to tell you."

His smiling face shone bright, "What about, Lils?"

She wrung her hands together and looked at the floor, "Well… You see…. There's no easy way to say this-"

"Just spit out Lily."

Breathing in deeply she whispered, "I'm pregnant…"

Apparently he still heard her, as he stood up, "You're pregnant?"

She nodded mutely and was surprised to find herself being swung in the air, "You're pregnant! I'm gonna be a daddy and you'll be a mummy!"

She smiled, "I'll be a mummy."

Laughing he pulled her up against him. They stayed in that embrace for a while, laughing and crying together at the wonderful news.

**00000**

_Flashback, Thursday, July 31st, 1980_

Don't listen to anyone who says childbirth is a good thing. It's awful. It's painful. It's bloody and messy and gross.

In the end, though, she was left with her beautiful son. He had small tufts of thin black hair sticking up. The emerald green eyes that shone brightly on his face were a perfect match to her own. Other than those distinguishing features he really looked like a potato. A cute potato.

She shakily held the quill and signed the birth certificate quickly. Harry James Potter, what a wonderful name. Cooing slightly to the newborn she wondered where James was. She knew he was probably held up at work;fighting Death Eaters was important but so was the birth of their first born child.

The nurse was back, Hestia Jones, "I have the legal papers here. Who would you like to name as his godparents?"

Without missing a beat the redhead answered, "Sirius Black and Alice Longbottom."

"Thank you, Mrs. Potter. Have a good night." And just as quickly as she entered she was gone again.

Lily looked down at her baby again and thought that maybe childbirth wasn't that bad. It did produce a beautiful baby.

**00000**

_Flashback, Saturday, September 13th, 1980_

"Lily, put the bloody camera down." A males sharp voice said.

"But, James, we need to film things for Harry!"

Her hazel eyed husband huffed, "If you want to record something, we could recreate Harry's conception." He teased scooting closer to her on the couch.

"James." She said in exasperation. Then she moaned, "James." As he had started to nibble her earlobe and kiss up and down her neck.

Pushing away she growled. "Marlene's bound to be here with Harry any minute."

"Not if Sirius visits, then Harry can see their child being made." He waggled his eyebrows up and down.

"Marly wasn't feeling well today, James. I doubt she and Sirius are going to shag."

"You never know." He said in a singsong voice.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Your impossible."

"And you love it."

She was about to retort but James charged at her, lifting her up in his arms, "Come on Lily, let's go make Harry a little brother or sister."

**00000**

_Flashback, Tuesday, November 4th, 1980_

A chiming sound started off in the sitting room alerting her someone was fire calling. Rushing in Lily allowed the caller in and called a muffled 'Hello' before sinking to her knees to be on level with the fireplace. Alice's dusty face appeared before her eyes. Next to her friend was a wiggling Neville.

"Lily, can you visit?" Her friends voice whined.

She snorted before answering, "I really don't want to hear about how inconsiderate Frank's been lately."

That wasn't the right thing to say. It seemed as if Alice was going to start crying, "I-I think he's cheating- cheating on m-me."

"Oh Alice you and Neville can come right over…"

The brunettes expression changed immediately, "Thanks Lils!"

**00000**

_Flashback, Saturday, March 21st, 1981_

"Lily?" James called from the dining room.

Hurrying she sped into the warm room. Standing awkwardly in front of the entranceway was James. The room suddenly felt much colder, as if the temperature had dropped. This whole ordeal seemed strangely normal now. Someone died and this happened.

"What happened?"

"Death Eaters targeted the McKinnon family."

"O-Okay… Marlene never sees them so what-"

"Marlene was there… She and her family all were killed."

She blacked out.

**00000**

_Tuesday, November 3rd, 1981_

Gasping, Lily's eyes popped open. If memories just kept flooding in, sleep never would come and save her from from the raging real world. She wanted the dark embrace that sleep could bring. That it should bring. Is this what grieving is like for everyone? Do all people feel overwhelming traces of the past.

Swinging her legs over from the couch to the floor she wondered with no purpose into small kitchen. Dumbledore gave her and Harry this small little house for the time being. People wanted to flock around them as they were so undoubtedly famous. Or they wanted to kill them in the most torturous ways possible for defeating Voldemort.

Moving sluggishly to the kettle, Lily wanted to be free of the safe house. To be free of the world. She wanted the numb bliss of being stunned over this. Well, actually, she didn't particularly want to be stunned, but she didn't want to feel anymore. She wanted nothing more than to be alone in a hole of black loneliness. Hmm, now she was starting to sound like the angsty teenager. She convinced herself not to be. Maybe this was a sick plot to bring her childhood back.

Snorting slightly at the absurd notion, Lily dissolved into tears, an activity that she was becoming quite used to doing from the past few days. As the salty liquid streamed down her face, she thought of what to do. She couldn't stay in this house any longer; it was slowly killing her. Her anxiety levels were reaching new highs. Just this morning, she'd jumped when Harry pulled her hair.

But where could she go? The outside world was a mess right now. The ministry was corrupt with no telling who was to be trusted or not. The streets would be filled with people celebrating and all pubs she could wash her sorrows in would be even worse. Even the muggle world would be swamped with elated witches and wizards.

Sighing, Lily thought of the different places she could try to go. Sirius's flat was an option, but he would probably be terribly hung-over or still drinking from the day before. Remus was probably in equal state or worse. The thought of a drunk Remus made her shiver; it was those nights the wolf would come to the surface.

Then there was Alice, her last living best friend from school. She was an Auror, so her house should be appropriately warded and Neville and Harry got along marvelously as god-brothers. If she was lucky, Frank would be out of the house and she and Alice could talk by themselves without his constant nettling.

Lily could never understand why sweet little Alice married a man that carried more ego than the McLaggen twins combined. He was always bragging about something or another or egging on different people he captured. Worst of all, he practically bullied Alice away from becoming a Herbologist like she wanted.

Thinking that this was a brilliant way to get out, she practically ran to the fireplace in the front room. Throwing in a pinch of the rough, fibery powder she called out Alice's current address, Longbottom Castle. Stopping herself from laughing at the self absorbed title she waited for the familiar ding of answer, and there it was.

"This is Alice Longbottom how may I help you?" The soft voice of her friend asked holding a touch of hostility in her tone.

"It's Lily, Alice. Can you let me and Harry over?" Her voice cracked.

A quick intake of breath was heard and then the answer, "Come right over Lils."

Hearing the slight click that proved the gate was open she lifted herself up all while scooping Harry into her arms. Balancing on her toes for a moment she rocked back and forth trying to clear her head of all possible scenarios that could happen while with Alice. Pinching the bridge of her nose she tried to subside the worries by entering the fire place with her son. Here goes nothing. Calling out the title of residence she was soon twisted through emerald swirls when the powder left her clammy fingers.

Then the roar of the flames stopped and she was standing in a tall gold and burgundy fire place. All evidence of floo travel destroyed. In front of her was Alice with her wand pointed upwards at Lily, Neville gurgling behind her. Seconds later the women's wand dropped from her hand and clattered loudly on the white tiled floor.

"L-Lily?" Her small stuttering voice asked.

Stepping out of the grate and brushing herself and Harry off she answered, "In the flesh Alice dear."

The smaller woman darted forward into the redheads arms narrowly avoiding the child, "You have know idea how worried I was. There was an announcement that You-Know-Who was killed at Harry's hand and that J-James was killed in the attack… Is it true?"

Nodding with tears springing to her eyes, "Y-Yes J-James is d-dead"

Tears were now in the brunette's eyes as she pulled away "A-And the r-rest?" It sounded like she was dreading the answer.

"I-It's true as well." She nodded again.

Her mouth opened wide to form a perfect O. "G-Good Lord… Frank was prattling about how Amelia was delusional and how he would make a better defense head, so I never got the full story."

While she was talking, the young woman picked up her own son and gestured for Lily to follow her. As they walked she could notice a trend in the portraits lining the walls. They all revolved around the Longbottoms some how. Not female Longbottoms- only male Longbottoms. Luckily the display of sexism ended quickly as the two girls entered a cosy sitting from with steaming coffee resting on a table.

Noting her confused expression Alice explained, "I had the elves prepare something once they knew it was you."

"Thats nice," Settling into an overstuffed leather chair she sighed, "H-How are you Alice… Your relationship with Frank."

An uncomfortable silence loomed over the two as the brunette thought of how to answer, "I'm trying to hold the marriage together for Neville… I really don't want to create a blood feud between the Longbottoms and Logans… He isn't the same man I married. Ever since he got that damn grimoire he thinks that he is God almighty."

"Have you considered a divorce? In the muggle world their is a good chance that you would gain custody of Neville."

Pinching the bridge of her nose she answered, "The wizarding world is different. If I had a betrothal contract signed between my father and Frank's, then Frank would get Neville, as he's his only heir. Luckily, we don't have one and it's the Wizengamot's choice of who gets custody. Though I think I'd have a good chance as both William and I are light wizards and not notably arrogant or rude.

"Hell, the darker or neutral families would probably put a vote in for me because my mother was a Rosier and my father was a neutral, though it's rumored," She made quotation marks with her fingers, "He gave shelter to Grindelwald. It also helps that Marie married Greengrass, getting his supporters as well."

Furrowing her brow LIly asked, "Then why don't you file for a divorce if you're certain you'll get Neville? Frank cheats on you and gets drunk every night. He's more pompous than Lucius Malfoy could ever try to be… Why do you stay?"

"I love him… At least I did when he was my Frank… I just keep hoping that he'll be the way he was when we got married. Every now and then I see the old Frank shine through… I just want him back so bloody badly…" As she trailed off her voice cracked.

Placing an arm around her friends shoulder in a reassuring manner she plowed on to the crux of it all, "Alice, he's not the same person he was. You shouldn't hold out hope that he will ever be the same, it will ruin your reality… Get a divorce, it will help."

Shaking her head she said, "I don't want to talk about this right now. How are you holding up, Lily? I know that this is probably awful for you."

"I-I'm holding it together… It's hard sometimes; when I sleep, I re-relive all the memories w-we sh-share. I've been pretty anxious as w-well… But I guess that's t-to be e-expected to… To a freshly made w-widow." All her reserves crashed down and she could feel the tears stream in burning lines down her face. Her throat formed a lump and she made an odd choking sound with the back of her mouth.

Faintly she could hear both babies crying at the sight of her distressed, but it was like she was in a bubble made of glass. The outside world was foggy and sounds were muted. The same thought kept rushing through her head. He promised. He promised he would live. It became a personal mantra.

She could feel a stiff arm snake its way around her shaking shoulders and pull her in. The soft cooing reached her ear, along with the repeated assurance that she would be okay and that life would go on. But would it? What would happen now that James, the love of her life, had died? How would she cope with the levels of stress and responsibility laid on her shoulders as a muggle-born widow who was the mother of the boy-who-lived?

The words soon processed in her head. The rhythmic words of her friend were, "Shh, Lily I know it's hard to lose someone you love, I do, but you have to let it all out... Yes, let it all out… Tell me all about it."

And she did, "H-He p-promised m-me he w-would l-live. H-He p-promised. W-Why did h-he l-leave me… Why?"

"He… He tried to stay, Lils, he did…. I bet he was fighting for you all the way, just so you and Harry could make it out and remember him… He wanted you to live so Harry could have one of his parents… He wanted you to continue your life without the burden of hiding out wherever you go…"

Her eyes were now red and puffy, her cheeks lined with water but the tears had slowed down, "I wish he didn't die… I wish You-Know-Who targeted someone… someone else…" Her voice was barely above a whisper, "I wish he killed me as well."

Alice, not liking this answer at all said, "Lily Marie Potter how could you say something like that! Harry needs his mother. Neville needs his godmother because god-forbid him from going to Augusta. I need you as my friend, not to mention Remus and Sirius. Do not let James's last gift to you be in vain. I will not let you," Then her voice became softer once again, "I understand that you're heartbroken, and I know that you need to grieve,but do not wish to die, Lily. In these times of war life is something many would wish for lost family members,"

With those words from Alice the two women sat in a stiff silence, each contemplating their lives and what needed to be changed. Lily vowed to be a better mother for Harry and to stop her mourning from reaching uncontrollable levels. Alice on the other hand was reevaluating her relationship with Frank: would a divorce really solve all her troubles?

Having those thoughts on their minds the friends had a lot to think about.

**00000**

Thank you MelodyPond77 my lovely beta reader! And thank you all for reading!


	3. Will

Disclaimer- J.K Rowling owns everything that you recognise.

**00000**

_Wednesday, November 4th, 1981_

The letter was in her hands. Not just any old letter but a letter from James. Its envelope was made of thick, creamy paper. On the front was her name written in cursive, each letter was dancing in green ink. It was crinkled in the corners where her hands gripped it.

She had received it today. The day of the will reading. Before she could stop herself the day's earlier memories rushed unbidden into her mind.

**00000**

A slight click resounded on the marble steps as she walked up to the door of the legal building. Wearing a knee-length black dress and holding her hair in a tight bun Lily looked like a widow was expected to. Taking a deep breath she grasped the handle of the door and pushed it open. The interior of the building was just as beautiful on the outside. White marble met with gold accents giving the impression of a greek colosseum.

In the lobby bunches of people stood loitering around. She saw Sirius and Remus talking in hushed tones to Alice. Amelia Bones was in a heated discussion with Dumbledore and Moody. The Tonk's family stood in a circle sending paranid glances at the rest of the room. Her heart beat sped up. Why on earth were all these people here?

A rough voice interrupted her worries, "Missus Potter may I offer you my condolences."

Looking at a stocky man wearing bright orange robes stood next to her. Nodding her head slightly she said, "Thank you…"

"Kevin O'Connell, Miss. I am the solicitor that was assigned to draw up your husbands will."

"Ah, thank you Mister O'Connell for helping in this period of time. I doubt that I would've been able to complete anything." A tear slide down her cheek.

Giving her a grim smile the man cleared his throat efficiently quitting the room, "Welcome everyone to the will reading of one James Charlus Potter. Please follow me into the screening room where the reading will occur."

When the doors opened and the assembled group shot in. There was a chair front and center with her name in crisp black lettering. Around her seat the rows actually started. She could of sworn a blonde looked at her in distaste, for she herself was approaching the seat. An empty black portrait was sitting in front of her chair. Stacks of gold, silver, and bronze was placed under a glass container for all to see.

Then O'Connell came forward holding a long scroll, "Without any objections about the will reading may we proceed?" His hoarse voice dissuaded any questions, "Very well." After tapping his wand three times to the side of the picture frame and muttering a few words under his breath the image of James filled the empty frame.

"I, James Charlus Potter, being of sound mind and body do hereby put forth my last will and testament on the day of July, 31, 1981. I revoke all wills and codicils previously made by me. The following has been witnessed by Filius Flitwick and Albus Dumbledore. " His soft voice called out. She choked on a sob and his eyes swiveled to her. "Lily Flower don't cry. Its better if you and Harry are alive. I refuse to let you be hung up over my… passing."

Bowing her head slightly Lily could feel hot, angry tears leak into the corner of her eyes. He was not James. That portrait was just pre-recorded remnants of her husband. Her husband died two nights ago and would never return. She had to face that. Shooting the painting a watery smile she nodded for it to continue.

James cleared his throat and spoke in a strong voice, " Article one. I appoint any solicitor of Albus Dumbledore's choosing to be my Personal Representative to administer this Will, and ask that he be permitted to serve without Court supervision and without posting bond. If Albus Dumbledore is unable to acquire a suitable Representative, then I appoint Amelia Bones to serve as my Personal Representative, and ask that she be permitted to serve without Court supervision and without posting bond."

O'Connell interjected, "I, Kevin O'Connell, am the Personal Representative chosen by one Albus Dumbledore to James Potter."

Nodding the portrait continued, "Article two, clause one. I appoint Sirius Orion Black of Number 12 Withrow Avenue and Alice Dominique Longbottom nee Logan of Longbottom Castle to be the Guardians of any of my children who are minors at the time of my death if I am the sole surviving parent at the date of my death. In the case that neither are able to take guardianship I have included a list of suitable guardians to be read later."

"As Lily Potter is still alive and in suitable condition to raise James Potters only heir one Harry James Potter no guardianship is needed to be appointed." The solicitor added reading from his scroll.

"Article two, clause two. I revoke all previous appointments of Guardians made by me before the date of this Will."

"As previously mentioned Lily Potter is alive and in suitable condition to raise Mister Potter's heir."

"Article three. I request that my body be buried at the Godric's Hollow cemetery and the expenses relating to my funeral shall be a first charge on my estate. I also request that my wife, Lily Marie Potter nee Evans, be in charge of the funeral organization."

"The charges for all arrangements will be directly drained from the Potter family vault. Miss Potter you will have three months from this day to host the funeral."

She nodded her head feeling extremely heavy, " Of-Of course. All n-needed arrangements will b-be made."

O'Connell tapped the portrait again to start it, "Article four. I give the following Legacies absolutely and subject to tax payable by the person receiving the legacies.

"To Sirius Orion Black I give 100 galleons, my Silver Arrow broomstick, and my marauders memorabilia with hopes that Harry will receive it when he is older."

For once Sirius looked stunned, "I-I don't know what to say. T-Thank you James." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

"To Remus John Lupin I give 100 galleons, my complete wardrobe with the exceptions of undergarments, Hogwarts uniforms, Quidditch memorabilia, and my invisibility cloak."

The aforementioned man closed his eyes and hung his head. Lily felt the burning sensation of tears in the corner of her own eyes causing her to blink rapidly. The words "Invisibility Cloak" sprung up in many whispers around the room.

"To Alice Dominique Longbottom nee Logan I give 50 galleons to raise your son Neville Longbottom along with a toy Cleansweep 5 for you to give Neville Longbottom. To Andromeda Belvina Tonks nee Black I give 50 galleons to raise your daughter Nymphadora Tonks and the book A Guide to be a Perfect Slytherin to given to your daughter."

Both woman nodded their thanks for the gifts. Each of them too choked up by the sentiment to reply.

"To Marlene Julia McKinnon I give 50 galleons."

"As Miss McKinnon is dead the money will be given to her next of kin."

"Sir, as far as I know she has no living family members," A nasally voice simpered.

"Miss Edgecombe, if their was no next of kin the goblins would not have added it to the scroll as the money would go straight to Lily Potter." O'Connell snapped.

"To Lily Marie Potter nee Evans I leave all other items I owned along with the last letter I ever wrote to you."

She smiled as if she didn't want to believe it. But it was a sad smile and she had tears leaking in tiny droplets down her face. The realization that James left everything to her had just started to sink in. To some the money would have mattered but to her it seemed unnecessary. It was the final step in announcing that he was dead.

**00000**

That was hours ago and know she was alone with the letter in her hands staring at it like it would ignite in flames. What would she find in it? An admission of his true feelings to her. Did he truly love her or was she a goal that he wanted to complete. In school he made it his mission to get her to date him, so it could have been a ploy. A sick prank.

She felt nauseous at the thought of him doing something like that. She was just over reacting. He would never do something like that, right? Some of his pranks have been considered cruel. A few were quite traumatic, but the people affected wern't people he loved and he loved her.

All of the doubts that were piling up started to suffocate her. Then she heard James voice in her head, "Where is your Gryffindor courage. Open it," Lily took a deep breath. Pressing her thumb nail under the small opening she tore the thick envelope open. Lifting out the letter she noted that it was three pages thick. Too thick for him to prank her. The uncertainty she felt washed away.

It read,

_Dear Lily- Flower,_

_If you're reading this it means that I have died. Hopefully, it wasn't the result of myself being stupid, but if it was I apologize for that on its own. If I died in battle than I have no regrets except leaving you and Harry behind in the mess of war while I moved on , to quote Albus, "the next great adventure awaits."_

_Every morning I rewrite this letter adding and removing things as life changes mainly due to the effects of the war. It is in my highest hopes that this letter never reaches you, but if it does end in your possession there are a few things that you must know about me and the wizarding world._

_When Harry is off age he will need to read the Potter family grimoire. Most muggle-borns don't think much of them, they're just books with family history, right? Unfortunately, that idea is wrong. They change the people who read them. I am a prime example of that. Before I read it I was the arrogant toerag that you loathed._

_Yes, the whole change of my attitude was because of the book. Imagine without the grimoire we would not be together and Harry would never be born. I cannot tell you what happens when someone reads it but it's like a switch goes off. I'm describing this terribly so heres another example. Frank Longbottom was always a little full of himself we thought it was confidence. After he read the grimoire he became extremely self-centered._

_Only direct bloodline Potters can read it so you, Lily, cannot. The book will cause long periods sleep paralysis on the people who read it. Check Gringotts for a complete list of effects and restrictions on the book. I also highly recommend you creating an Evans family grimoire. Any family that Harry marries into will absorb the knowledge in it. Again check Gringotts._

_Lily, check the Potter family vault you will find a book of Pureblood edict. I don't believe in it and you don't but Harry needs to know what is happening in the world he will enter. I stress on the importance if the war is still going. You will also find a surprise in there for you and Harry to enjoy._

_While I am the topic of war I need to make sure that you will be safe. Leave the magical world. Please leave. Our family was specifically targeted. With me gone you and Harry will be in even more danger. Travel to America or another place of equal distance from Europe._

_I can hear you awaking now so this is where I must end the letter. Just remember that I love you and always will even when I'm gone. Tell Harry of all my exploits so he will grow up knowing about his father. Don't cry more than necessary and keep your hair that beautiful red._

_Love,_

_James_

Life was still around her. It felt like time had stopped and left her moving. She felt the same way only a few days prior. Tears fell down her face but for once they were welcome. She felt her lips tugging upwards, forming a smile. A laugh left her, followed by many until she was leaning over laughing and crying.

**00000**

This is very rough. It hasn't been beta'd and I want to add a few more pages to the chapter. I have admittedly been slacking on writing this week but I have also been sick for a lot of it and still am.

Hang with me and in a few days expect a polished, longer chapter replacing this one.


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